I've been patient long enough

I spent 3 months on bedrest, 11 weeks of that in the hospital. I am overdrawn at the patience bank.

I'm ready for my babies to come home. We were given hope that it could be this week, and it still could be, but the nurses think that is overly optimistic of the doctor to say so. I've been home 3 days and managed to get 95% ready for one or more of them. I lay in bed and look at the empty crib. I get up at 2 am to pump and end up fiddling with baby stuff for a few minutes instead of going back to bed right away. I've been to Target every day just to look at baby things. I'm ready to parent these babies that I worked so hard to get into this world.

I only get to see them during their feeding times, during the daytime hours that I am able to be up at the hospital. Like today - I was exhausted and ended up going home to rest instead of hanging around for the next round of feedings.

And there are just so many things to feel guilty about: sleeping in instead of being up there for the early feedings, opting to snuggle with one baby while the nurse goes ahead with diapering and feeding another, having someone pick up the older kids from school so that I can stay at the hospital.

This evening seems especially rough for me. Emily and Molly were put in the same bed together tonight and I haven't seen them yet. I called for an update and the nurse said they looked at each other for a while, but eventually went on to sleep. I'm dying to see it! I'm so afraid something will happen, one of them doesn't tolerate it, and they will separate them again.

Anyway, just the ramblings of a new momma denied the joy of her new babies at home.